What a week.  It was a relief this morning to get up, snuggle with a blanket and a cup of chai tea and re-read The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  I'm very excited for the movie and since I haven't read the book in several years thought it would be the perfect way to spend this beautiful Sunday morning.  This afternoon I have to go to my grandmother's house to celebrate my mother's birthday.  The food should be delicious and as long as we avoid the subject of politics it should be a lovely afternoon.

Had a mini panic attack about money this morning as well but I'm trying to keep that under control and focus on the positive.  Sometimes it's frustrating to be at this stage in my life and still living paycheck to paycheck but I know things could be far worse.  And it definitely won't always be like this.  Less than a year left and then things should start to improve.  I'm just trying to focus on the positive.

I went to Zumba yesterday morning and while I had a few twinges of pain in my right knee overall I felt really good.  It felt great to exercise and the rest of the day I felt amazing.  All of the stress I've been feeling just disappeared.  It came back this morning but at least yesterday I was just able to enjoy the day.  I have tomorrow off (thanks Rosh Hoshana!) and I'm going to exercise again and see how it feels.  Luckily I didn't gain any weight these past two weeks but I can definitely feel the effects of stress and I want to continue to make sure I'm dealing with that in a healthy way.  Besides, I forgot how much fun I have at Zumba class.  There's so much energy and it just feels great to push myself and have my body respond so positively.  It makes me feel proud of myself.

I had an interesting conversation with Jake about my weight loss.   I was explaining how this is the lowest I've weighed probably since high school and yet I still feel fat and he reminded me that even when I hit my goal weight (9 pounds away) that's not going to change the way I feel.  And that's something I'm going to need to deal with somehow.  My sister who is in such great shape and looks amazing is really hard on herself and keeps wanting to lose more weight.  I had promised myself, and Jake, when I started this journey that I would be satisfied once I hit goal.  The way I treat myself seems to prove otherwise.  I need to work on being grateful for where I am right now and appreciative of what I have accomplished.  Once I hit my goal weight I don't want to feel like I need to lose more weight, I want to be satisfied.  I am never going to be a twig, I don't have the body type for that and nor do I think that will make me feel better.  I just want to be healthy.  And I think I've already achieved that.  I just need to work on changing my mindset.  That's going to take some time but I'm trying to remember that.  I've come so far and sometimes I feel like I'm a lot harder on myself than I was 40 pounds ago.  That doesn't make any sense.

One more time-things I'm grateful for right at this moment:
The beautiful September day.  I love that the weather is changing and soon I can wear sweaters and such.  Also grateful for the all of the opportunities to drink more tea.  When it's really hot I just can't bear to drink hot beverages very often despite the fact that I love them so I'm glad the weather is more conducive to drinking hot tea and coffee now.

Fall!  It's one of my favorite seasons.  I love when the leaves change colors.

This three day weekend.  It was a long week at work and I'm grateful for the extra day off.  I'm also grateful to get Yom Kippur off on the 26th.  Random days off are always appreciated.

To see my sisters!  I haven't seen them in two weeks and I miss them.  I get to see them today and tomorrow and that makes me very happy.

Being able to exercise again.  I had forgotten just how big a stress release it is and it's nice to be reminded again of why I started exercising in the first place.  It wasn't about losing weight, it was about relieving some of the stress and pressure I feel.

Enjoy the lovely day!